Isn't that swell...?

One of the more common side effects in pregnancy is swelling. Especially if you have the pleasure (as I do) of giving birth anytime during the summer months- Gotta love all those June, July, August and September babies. Which by the way, August is the most common birth month and has been for years. So store that little trivia question in your brain for a rainy day. Anyway, as long as I can remember I would get swollen hands when I would go out for a long walk or hike. It was always kind of annoying but after I held my hands up above my head or ran them under cold water they would shrink back down to size and all was well. And, speaking of size, I should also just add that as a petite girl I also have petite hands and that equates to not a lot of room to expand in these types of "swell" situations. The same goes for my feet. Although I never had swollen feet before being pregnant, the size of my feet has always been the butt of many jokes. That includes my toes which at some point in time my mom decided should appropriately be named Lil Smokies...like the ones you buy at the grocery store for special occassions...or at least that was the case at our house. We always had them for Easter breakfast and Christmas breakfast when I was growing up. They are tiny little fat sausages that are maybe an inch long if that. They are delish! Anyway, my little chubbies soon took on the affectionate name Lil Smokies and Paul clung right to that. He thought it was absolutely hilarious and made sure to tell anyone who he overheard mention my inadequate feet and toes. Still to this day he brings it up in fact. And, the other night while I was lamenting about my swollen aching feet he jokingly asked if I actually thought they could get so swollen that they would pop. Just like the Lil Smokies do when they are cooked to perfection. Don't ya love it?

So lately we have been blessed with amazingly cool weather. Although there has been a few warm days here and there and on those days and especially today when it hit close to 80 degrees my little fingers and little feet and little toes begin to swell. There is no stopping them either. I can look down and see the skin begin to turn pink and my ankles slowly begin to turn into "cankles" so that there is no definition from my calf to my foot. It is pretty much all the same size. And then my toes swell to the point of total humiliation and there is no space left between them. It just looks like one giant heap of a toe. Then to top it off, if I have to walk it feels like I am stepping on tiny hot water ballons that are about to explode. My hands take on the shape of a rubber glove that has been blown up. Nice and puffy and rounded everywhere. It is quite a sight. Elevating my feet helps a bit but not much helps my hands. And it takes quite a while to get them to come back down to size again but they eventually do. And might I just add, I love my hands and feet just the size they are, as God intended and I hope London's look just like mine...because my hands sure look like my mom's and I love that even more now.

A Mother's Love

On Tuesday, May 4th my life changed forever. After a month long battle with a fractured T-12 vertebrae and lots of pain medication I rushed my mom to the emergency room to try and determine why the super strong pain medication she had been prescribed was not giving her comfort. After an exam and some testing we ultimately learned that not only had my mom fractured her T-12 vertebrae but the pain she had begun to experience in her abdomen was the result of a 7 centemeter cancerous tumor growing just below her esophagus. They did a biopsy and follow up testing and 2 weeks later the doctors confirmed the worse case scenario that was playing out right before our eyes. My mom has esophageal cancer that has metastasized to her abdomen, lungs, liver and intestines. There is no treatment because the spread is so massive and she has been given a life expectancy of 6 months. The news is more than devastating. It is catastrophically terrible.

It has been over a week since we found out and my mom is now out of the hospital after spending 18 days there. It has been a mix of emotions through all of this which I am sure is normal. Some days are okay...some days it is too much and you just wonder how you can take another step and go on. The travesty of it all has set in though and aside from being sad and shocked and in disbelief I also feel so much love. I feel love from all of my amazing friends who constantly check in and send cards and e-mails and text messages offering to bring dinner or take me to coffee or go for a walk. I feel love from our family who has rallied together to take care of my mom and my dad in this difficult time. Offering to help at the house in any way possible and sending flowers and cards to put a smile on our faces. Most importantly I feel love for my parents and that has made me realize how truly special a mother's love also is for her child. This whole experience has brought our little family closer than we have ever been before. We are each others crutch and support system. We have some laughs and lots of tears but through it all I find that I leave each visit feeling more love than I walked through the door with that day. And, what I also have discovered is that it makes me love my baby in a whole new way too. There is something about a mother's and daughter's love that is so unique and special that it is like nothing else. And, I feel so incredibly lucky to have a mom who has loved me unconditionally for the past 28years. Do I wish we had another 28 years to spend together?...every moment of every day...but I also know that God has a plan for my mom and she must be needed someplace else for more important things. Probably running the gardening commitee or decorating commitee in heaven. Am I okay with that?...not fully, but I am getting there. I watch the show 19 kids and counting on TLC and yesterday when I was watching the latest episode the wife Michelle said something that struck me. She said that when a family goes through a really tough time they will eventually come out on the other side and what happened to them can either make them bitter or better. So I trust in the Lord and his plan for our family and I know that out of this darkness there will be light and down the road whenever that may be I will be better. I will be a better friend, a better wife, a better mother and a better woman. Until then I will take life day by day and cherish all the time I have with my mom. And I will continue to pray that I can be as amazing of a mom to London as my mom has always been to me.

So with that said and because I know my mom would be really disappointed with me if I did not continue my blog I will resume the weekly/daily posts about baby London and me the mom-to-be. I am doing it for two reasons...first, because I love London and second, because I love my mom.

VOGUE...Maternity Style

Well, Saturday was London's first photo shoot...one of many I am sure...and although she isn't actually physically here I know she was saying "cheese" from within. Back in November, Paul and I bid on and won a photo session with a Sacramento photographer by the name of Eleakis & Elder. At that time I wasn't pregnant but knew right away that I would be saving that session for maternity photos. I have always loved maternity pictures of women with their big bellies totally bare and exposed. There is something so beautiful and so warm about them. I could hardly wait to get big enough (and let me just say I certainly foot the bill now) to have these precious pics taken.

So over the past week there was extensive preparation for the big photo op. There was wardrobe planning, a trial run on hair and makeup, a sunless spray tan (for Paul and I both)and the selection of props for the shoot. And might I just add- don't laugh...everyone looks better with a little "sun" on their skin, even if it is fake and even if you are a man...and if you are a woman- the "sun" hides cellulite like you won't believe. Finally, everything came together and we met the photographers Saturday morning to head over to William Land Park for the first leg of the journey. We took some really fun and really uncomfortable pictures. For example, they started by having me lie on my back on a concrete bench. Super cozy! Paul and I had some good laughs and most of the pictures were taken surrounding a giant duck pond that had its share of feathered friends who took part in the shoot from time to time. They took some great pictures of us interacting, rubbing our bellies together, and laying in the grass. Then we headed over to Fairy Tale Town for a couple pics of just myself with a darling book I brought along. It was one of my favorite books when I was little and it is a petite version of Jemima Puddle Duck, member of the Beatrix Potter series for those who don't know. We got some great shots of me reading it to my belly while perched up against a tree with Fairy Tale Town and Humpty Dumpty in the background. That turned out to be one of my favorite shots. It will certainly end up in London's room.

Afterward, we headed back to the studio for the nude photos, nude belly photos that is. I wore black leggings and a black and white scarf tied bandeau style around my chest...my belly of course was bare. We did some really fun pictures with a pink bow tied around my belly like a present and we did some other ones with a bird nest that came from London's room and a few of the classic maternity photos with Paul's arms around my belly and hands formed into a heart. Very sweet. Afterwards, they let us view the pictures right away and narrow down the ones that we liked. We are both so opinionated that it was quite easy to purge. Now we just need to settle on the few that we really love. All in all it was a fun morning and I know we will treasure these pictures forever. I know they are some of the final shots we will take as a family of two but I also know they will soon be much more exciting as a family of three.